Letter 2

Lord, I know that I have said some mean things to you, and for that I am sorry. I just really want to get to know you more. But being mean towards you obviously doesn’t get your attention and isn’t the right thing to do. I don’t know what to do to get you to respond to me. I feel like in a lot of ways my relationship with you is so similar to my failed relationship with my ex. It hurts me that there is even a similarity in that. I say that because I feel like I keep trying time and time again to reach out to you to connect to you, but I rarely get a response. I also feel like my relationship with you is unhealthy because I keep trying again and again to hear from you but the results are often the same. SILENCE. I just really want to know and understand you better. If you know everything about me, why can’t I know everything about you? But I have prayed to you for YEARS to talk to me on a one-on-one basis and you have responded from time to time. So I KNOW you are listening. People speak of you being very wise to respond, but that wisdom spells to me distance and a lack of concern. I mean, I guess I see the wisdom in it a little bit. If I came to you crying everytime I was hurting and you responded to my hurt that might lead me to pretend to be hurt just to get a response out of you, and that would be a little unhealthy. I just wish you would show up and speak out. Maybe the problem is that I have an unhealthy relationship with you, and that’s why you refuse to talk to me. I came to you when I was a little girl, you were my Superman, my superhero. But when I asked you to help me when my mom and dad were fighting you didn’t do anything. No one in my family did anything. I feel so let down by that. It hurts. I asked you for help with quitting smoking and instead I have had to do that all on my own. I had hoped there was a way to incorporate you into helping me with that, but I haven’t any idea how. There is a contemporary Christian song that I think about all the time. “I want to know you, I want to see your face. I want to know you more.” That is my anthem right now. I know we are supposed to use the Bible to refer to for insight into your character, but I feel like the pages of the Bible are so FLAT to me. It gives me clues and hints towards understanding your character, but there has to be more! You created the world and the universes surely there is more to understand about you than what was written in that book so long ago! I long for the day that you come to someone and reveal to them more about yourself. I feel like so much has yet to be discovered about you. I wish you would open up to more people. I know you are a powerful God, but you seem rather shy.


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