Letter 4

Lord,

I thank you for yesterday, or well early this morning. I made it through the storm. I am grateful that I have been given another day. I was thinking this morning about what I was upset about the other day. The story of Jonah and the whale comes to mind. I really do not know what you are calling me to do with my life. People say it is going to be something truly amazing. Well, gosh man, I wish you’d just spell it out to me. Do I really have to be “ready” to know what it is though? Seems silly. I mean, take the example of Jonah, he wasn’t ready to do what you wanted him to, but you told him anyways. Why the secrets? Why the mystery? I also think of like Thomas today and the Samaritan woman from the well in John 4. I think those characters encompass my spirit at the moment. As far as Thomas is concerned, I see where he is coming from. But as for Jonah, which I think the purpose of today should be. I think it is a good lesson for me inter-personally. I am often driven off the path to my goals by fear, or ambitions of my own. I get distracted and invested in other things and I do so at the exclusion of what my main purpose is. When I get romantically involved I flip the world upside down for a few extra pennies to get my sweetheart something. Lol! That is not very wise, nor is it very responsible. I have goals and ambitions to attend to. I have projects that I need to be working on. If I focus on those and work on myself I think I will have better chances of meeting a like-minded healthy individual. Chasing tail is fun, but it eats away at my spirit. If I am connecting with others to feel better about myself and to fill the emptiness in my soul, I don’t think I will find that in other people as people are inherently riddled with problems. I need to look within myself and to the Lord for comfort. Sometimes being quiet and alone is necessary, I really think it helps us grow. Even if I talk to the sky, birds, or plants, it doesn’t matter. No one has to listen, it feels better for me to get out my feelings as I have them. I know many people like to repress their negative emotions and put little unhealthy band aids on them like smoking or drinking, and I have done that many times, too. However, that only covers up the problem for a bit. I really enjoy soul searching and delving into my problems and just putting them out in the open so that I can get them off my chest. I have a few friends that I explore the depths of my self with, and I treasure them more than anything in the world. It is so wonderful to have other people be open and real with you and share their innermost thoughts to you and to listen in return. I think that we often forget to share the depths of our souls with one another and really delve into the nitty gritty of our desires, hopes, and dreams. We spend so much time trying to put on a happy face and pretend like we have everything together or impress others, but we are more beautiful when we are broken and we share that brokenness with someone else. It may be off putting coming from someone you do not know, but how much more should we look after that person and be there for them emotionally if they have no one they know to open up to? I value so much seeing people when they open up about their brokenness. It reminds me that there are other people going through things as well. I want to know what those things are in other people. I desire so deeply to know people and their innermost selves. The parts they are scared to show to the world. We all have our humanness and God wants us anyways. I think it is our humanness and our imperfect selves that allow us to connect deeply with others. God chose many different men and women to serve him and his purpose despite being flawed. We often harp on the good qualities of the disciples and the forefathers of the faith, but there is just as powerful a lesson to learn about them through their character flaws. With Jonah, the Lord kept nudging him and making it clear to him he was going in the wrong direction by the ill circumstances around him. Perhaps that is the message for me. I am going in the wrong direction and ill circumstances or heartbreak are my clues that I need to get back on track. It’s time to head to Ninevah…

 

Like a Bridge Over Troubled Water—song that comes to mind.

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